Van Halen, Madison Square Garden, NYC. May 23, 2008
Almack’s correspondent, Dena Singer, was lucky as all hell to attend Friday’s Van Halen show at MSG. Sadly she didn’t have her camera, but you really hardly need photos when she’s writing:
On my walk over to Madison Square Garden this past Friday night, I realized I left my fucking camera at home. I noticed this horrifying fact as I was scrambling to take pictures of the esteemed Van Halen fan base entering the arena. So many suede boots! So many male ponytails! So many hockey jerseys! I was empty handed in what clearly could have been some of the top photographic moments of the year.
So, as I was trying to take a mental tally of how many people looked like Dimone and Ratner from “Fast Times at Ridgemont High” I started to reflect on exactly why I was there and how it is so easy to bash these kinds of concerts and the people who go to them. Hey, aren’t I here to rock out to some 1983 tunes too? Didn’t I used to buy Circus and Hit Parader magazines AND rip out the centerfolds? Just because I am wearing jeans from this decade and have a modern haircut, it doesn’t make me that much different than my concert going brothers. This is when I had a Revenge of the Nerds moment where I had to admit to myself that I, too, was a hard rock dipshit. I like 1980’s hard rock and I am proud of it!!!
Cue: “We are the Champions”
Single Tear.
Generally speaking, 80’s rock was pretty superficial, which is why I love it. It was carefree, bombastic, flashy music that made everyone want to be in on the naked booby, coke dusted party. No one really sang about things that mattered, like “feelings”, and how “teenagers are scary” and “killing in the name of something or other.” All the big groups back then were just about sex, drugs, and rock and roll. And because I grew up when all those bands were popular, I have been molded to believe that trashed hotel rooms, teased perm groupies and songs about having sex is what rock music SHOULD be about.
Enter Van Halen, one of the poster bands of 1980’s debauchery.
For me, the original Van Halen is one of few bands that actually have both amazing showmanship AND solid musicianship to back it up. David Lee Roth is the ultimate entertainer and has an immeasurable amount of charisma and energy, even now. He emerged on stage wearing a circus ringmaster jacket and for a fleeting moment I thought I was accidentally at the comeback performance of Ziegfried and Roy. But Diamond Dave was at his best– beaming personality, physically fit, and acting like a surprisingly appropriate version of himself from days ago. He channeled his old persona, but thankfully he recognized no one wanted to see a 50 year old humping an inflated microphone in a spandex number. Me especially. His vocals and moves are completely intact, and he delivered all the sass and sleaze we have come to associate with his over the top performances. A high point for me was when Roth referred to having sex as “getting leg.” Guess what? I’m officially stealing that phrase and using it from this point forward.
Eddie Van Halen is a true FUCKING guitar hero, without any frills or retarded gimmicks. And I know I am like 25 years late to the party, but I think I kind of love him now. So when the show opened to his signature first riffs of “You Really Got Me” yeah, I totally got chills. His talent and skills are extraordinary and continue to floor me after all these years. At some points I couldn’t believe I was actually watching him play in person. (Yes. I was drunk. Don’t drink beer out of a straw.) He also looks fantastic and was wearing an awesome pair of custom Chuck Taylor’s made to look like his red guitar with the black and white striping. On the flipside, I think David Lee Roth was wearing Capezios. I’m pretty sure of it.
One of the coolest things of the night was seeing Eddie’s 16 year old son Wolfgang hold his own on bass. Watching him bang out the opening bass line for “Running with the Devil” using his father’s crazy “tapping” technique was wild. That dude may look like Valerie Bertinelli, but he totally inherited the Van Halen music madness. I look forward to seeing what becomes of him. I wonder if his dad lets him mess around with the ladies and whatnot on tour. That’s gotta be cool/weird/gross/awesome.
Simply put, the concert was pure fun. The band was excited to be there and didn’t kill or sue each other (at least on stage), and played a great set that included all their best songs. The fans were basically totally wasted and drunkenly hooted and fist pumped throughout the entire show. Although, I was near a quadriplegic who I couldn’t tell was there against his will or not. His Nigel Tufnel look a like aide was going totally bat shit bonkers the entire time, occasionally reminding himself to give the poor guy his airtube. It was riveting. Sorry.
I have scientifically determined that Van Halen is like the human equivalent of a speedball. They make you feel awesome, temporarily invincible, and they give you false confidence to act like the secret asshole you really are. On the flip side, you feel kind of dirty afterwards, slightly guilty and can’t remember why you ripped your shirt off and ran down the subway platform screaming “Panama.”
At least for this dipshit.
